9. You have to stay in shape. mother started walking
five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and
we have no idea where she is.
10. I have six locks on my door, all in a row.
When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure
no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks,
they are always locking three of them.
11. One out of every three Americans is suffering from
some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends.
If they are OK, then it must be you.
12. They show you how detergent takes out bloodstains.
I think if you've got a tee shirt with bloodstains all over it,
maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
13. Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and
they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals.
I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have
photographs of her on the walls.
14. A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket
and said, "Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?"B>I said, "I didn't know there were any witnesses.
Now I'll have to kill you too."
15. Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter
Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library,
and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
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